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Nov. 25th, 2013

The Binder Full of Women

I met you only a short time ago
You said I was fun and you liked my afro
But what you don't really know is what you're up for my dear
That when we get to my crib the first place you're going
Is not the bathroom
But the binder full of women
B-b-binder full of women
Knee deep in estrogen
Is the only way I'll take ya
You got a problem with that
I could always bake ya
But you say no no no no no
Don't take me to the
Binder full of women
B-b-binder full of women
And all I say is ho ho ho
Get in there babe
Or I am gonna mow mow mow
Your ass like my lawn
Chop that shit real smooth.

She's in she's in
And barely put up a fight
Now I can save up my energy for later
When I fuck her with all my might
She better be tight
But if she's not
It's not the first time I've made someone born again
Just to bleed 'em all out 'til they can't stop beggin'.

to be continude

Jun. 2nd, 2013

EAT DICK AND DIE PT. 2

Kevin
Is the fucking BANE
OF MY EXISTENCE
When he walks into the room
Every ounce of sunshine inside my soul goes black
That awkward way of his
That backward way of his
It's like he's eternally got his buns taped together
Kevin
That fucking kid who's never played the Legend of Zelda
You don't understand
THAT FUCKING KID who's never played Ms. Pac-Man
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
THAT FUCKING
KID
WHO DOESN'T EVEN KNOW THE CURE
DOESN'T FEEL THE FACEMELTING POWER OF MODEST MOUSE
THAT DEATH GRIPS LISTENING TO FUCK FACE
Remember that time when Kevin thought 'bonjour' was German?
Je te déteste, Kevin
Tu es très bête
Tu es si bête
TU ES TROP BÊTE
Pauvre, pauvre Kevin
If there's one thing even more tragic than missing milkshake time
It would be KEVIN'S ENTIRE LIFE
This kid is so god damn awful
He can't even check the fucking spam folder
Missin' all the news, Kevin
Can't even appreciate fine cuisine
Doesn't like tacos
Nachos
Burritos
"ethnic food"
but can handle fucking rice
That's racist, Kevin
This fucking bastard
Is only into the craziest shit
Only groce freaks find their porn on 4chan
It's lonely virgins like HIM who become OBSESSED WITH FUCKING THEIR OWN DOGS
BUT SOONER OR LATER KEVIN WILL REALIZE
IT'S NOT HEALTHY
TO FUCK
ONE'S OWN
LIFE
Dog

My Life is So God Damn Hard

This is all I want
To masturbate undisturbed
But he ruined it

May. 20th, 2013

EAT DICK AND DIE (My 6th Serious Poëm)

Jesus christ
I fucking
hate
Kevin
If there's one thing I hate more than dropping my toast butter-side down
it would be fucking
KEVIN
He's like that little pimple on your butt in the middle of the god damn summertime that never goes away because you're constantly sweating and it's constantly pussing and you're constantly wetting your god damn undies with your gross ass pimple puss
He's like that shit stain that never comes out
Kevin
I swear to fucking god
Kevin
He is the most untrustworthy
disgusting
overwhelmingly awful person you could ever meet
Except he's not even a fucking person
Kevin is the definition of eat my shit and puke it onto your clitoris
He
Has many names
One of which is fiendish, silly ass motherfuckin' coldhearted THIEF
He lies to me, Kevin
Think of the most unreliable, ugly ass piece of shit you've ever had the misfortune of coming across
Imagine giving it a skateboard, a box of matches, and a fucking dildo
Don't even TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE THINKING
Because I'm sure we're only thinking
the same exact THING
Kevin
Just doesn't know when to quit
Kevin
Just doesn't know when to start or stop giving a shit
Kevin
Him and his god damn fucking shenanigans
KEVIN
He might think he DOES
BUT HE JUST DOESN'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND
That there's more to life than this
That there's more to life than this
And all he has to be known for
Is that his life
is fucking
;Dog

Apr. 22nd, 2013

Jentrice At Sunset

I thought I'd write a poem
Because I'm sitting here in class
Need to make something that'll show him
I'm not a complete ass

I just wanna take you down to my place
And cover you in butter
Can't wait to see your face
Or hear the terrified things you'll mutter

You know I really care for you
I'll protect you 'til you die
Even if I go before your time is due
I can damn well fucking try

I wanna feel the deepest parts
Your body is so divine
I met you in a supermart
While picking up some moonshine

I was a shy and docile creature
You were too much to behold
I knew you were something I wanted to feature
Something that I could mold

Babe you know it's not time to go
The fun's only just begun
I'll tickle your tight balls with my big afro
And tell you some funny puns

I don't know if you know it yet
But your hands are just so great
I'm going to take you home to be my pet
There will never be any escape

You're leading me to your place again
From that cute little coffee shop
I'm so glad your name isn't Ben
Your ass cherry I'm going to pop

**********

Friday night comes along
You're watching TV and making dinner
I'm around the corner and very strong
Tonight, who's going to be the winner?

It's been six months since I've fallen in love
I think it's time that you respond
I don't know if I should set free a dove
Or give you candy to help us bond

I hope you're not misunderstanding me
I'm walking to your door
Oh please oh please don't you flee
I have yet to even score

You answer with your gorgeous, bright smile
You make my knees go weak
I'd really love to stay a while
But there's something I'd like to tweak

I tell you that I found your wallet
Which I had actually stole the night before
Maybe I should've written a sonnet
You definitely deserve a lot more

I point up at the sky saying what a nice night it is
And that we should take a walk
Man I really gotta take a piss
But what I want more is to talk

We're walking in this park alone
It looks like you trust me already
Tonight we are definitely going to bone
No time to be going steady

I ask if you wanna go some place
And you kindly deny my offer
Jesus you've got such a pretty face
It almost makes me not want to slaughter

**********

I walk off of your porch, feeling all right
Like I said, the fun's only just begun
This is going to be a very long night
You won't even have a chance to run.

Apr. 18th, 2013

UN SAC DANS LA MER.

Je l'ai rencontrée au supermarché.
Je l'ai voulue.
Je l'aime comme j'aime ma mère.
J'ai besoin d'elle.
Je vais l'avoir.
Je vais l'égorger.

Oct. 30th, 2012

My 5th Serious Poëm

Genocide.
Potatoes w/ chives.
Rollercoaster rides.
These are a few of my favorite things.
So I thought
Why not take all of these things
And put them together?

It started on a Tuesday.
No wait
A Wednesday.
I was vacationing in Virginia.
Hanging out at the ultimate place to be.
Busch Gardens!
It's no question as to what I was doing there.
That's right.
Having the time of my life on Apollo's Chariot
I
Felt
Like
A
God
And in that moment
I saw it
Over the rivers and through the hills
I was drawn by its aura of magnificence

The International House of Pancakes
And for just that day
they were having a special!
Potatoes w/ chives
All you can eat for $19.99!
What
A
Bargain!!!!!
I just knew I had to get there

I flew out of the coaster when I realized the time
11:37 PM
And these damn Virginian IHOPs close at 12!
In a panic I tried to make it to the exit
Oh snap!
Just my luck!
Sixteen different preschools decided to have field trips to Busch Gardens all on the same DAY
I tried my best to get past that ocean of practically brain dead midgets
They were just too powerful to go through alone
I think one bit my crotch...
Luckily that day I was fully prepared for this kind of situation
I pulled out two pistols and donned a smile
"Would you like some candy?" I ask one of the children passing by
He looks up
Awestruck
"Why, mister, I haven't had anything but
dirt and tinkle juice in weeks.
I would love some candy!"
I think for a moment.
This boy
He's special.
No
Not him
Not now
"I'll get you your candy. For now, come with me!" I tell him
I put him on my shoulders
Let the games begin

TO BE CONTINUED

My 4th Serious Poëm

I rape children.
         infants

My Third Serious Poëm

When I was born
My mama always left me with pop.
Pop always left me with bro.
And bro always left me alone.
When I was six
I learned how to use the phone
And that's how I met Joan
He came around to break my bones
When I was nine
I started drinking wine
It's so tasty
And takes the pain away.
When I was twelve
I met Melvin
He showed me how things work
It all started
When he began to jerk
right onto my eyes.
When I was fifteen
I started to steal jeans
And blouses
And toasters
And pills
The best part of that year
was probably getting molested by trains
I turned twenty-two
And made one mistake
If you ever use a rake to do your dirty deed
Always remember
You're not one of the leaves.

My Second Serious Poëm

My mom used to sing "Hey Jude" to me
Before bed
Her voice so smooth
Her face crimson red.
I thought she was just excited
Until she fell down dead.

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